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Fighting Fair: A Blog Series on 5 Strategies to Argue Fairly

Updated: Mar 24, 2021

Many couples have the wrong idea about the role of arguments in marriage. They believe that since they are married to their ideal person, arguing with their spouse is a sign their marriage is in trouble.

While arguments are emotionally uncomfortable, it’s not necessarily a bad sign. Arguing means you and your partner have powerful opinions and believe strongly in a specific position. As a therapist, I love powerful couples like that. I describe it as like having two powerful oxen pulling the family cart. The problem, however, is that the oxen are pulling in different directions and tearing the family cart apart. So, my goal of counseling is to ultimately get the powerful couple to stop pulling against each other, and instead pull with each other.

One of the ways I do that is to demystify arguing by showing couples how to argue fairly. After assessing the couple, I teach them to create 10 Rules of Engagement. These are ten rules that will not be broken when an argument happens.

In this blog series, I will introduce five of the most common rules couples create and offer strategies on how to implement that rule in your relationship. If you think your marriage could use some expert guidance, head on over to my website,, and schedule an appointment with me. I can’t wait to meet my next powerful couple.

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